ACRWorks Quote of the Day - "Sanity remains defined simply by the ability to cope with insane conditions."
Ana Castillo

ACRWorks Challenge of the Week. Focus on responding instead of reacting. For more info, read my blog at www.acrworks.blogspot.com.

ACRWorks Quote of the Day, "To respond is positive, to react is negative" ~ Zig Ziglar

Responding vs. Reacting

Moving toward productive communications

Is there someone that just knows how to push your buttons?  Maybe a boss or colleague at work that tries to micromanage the office, or an opinionated relative, whose opinions are always directed at how you are living your life.  These people make us anxious and tense and just their presence can put us on guard, distract us and create an unproductive environment. 

Reacting to an unpleasant conversation or situation is what most people do when they feel they are threatened in some way.  However, when we react, it only brews more hostility and discomfort.  It also gives way too much control to the aggressive or domineering party.  However, this form of communication can be changed from reacting to responding with a little practice.

Responding puts you in control of the situation because you are not allowing the individual to manage your emotions by their careless words or actions.  When we respond, we are carefully choosing our words in a manner that gets our point across, without cross words and strong emotions.   When you are in a confrontational position and you feel your temperature rising, take a moment and pause before you respond. Pay attention to how your body is feeling and what thoughts are going through your mind and quickly cool yourself down. 

Here are a couple examples.

Your step brother comes in for a visit.  All he ever talks about is how much money he has, what is business is doing and his brand new 6000 square foot home he is building.  You can never get a word in, because he always changes the conversation back to what he is doing.  During his visit he says, “So John, are you still living in that little place on Short Street? I could never live in a home so small.. how do you do it? I was feeling claustrophobic in our last house and it was 4000 square feet – your place is what, 1500 square feet?” 

Your reaction: “Well, I guess if I was more deceptive in my business practices I could be pulling in more money as well.  However, I believe in running my business and treating my clients with integrity and respect.” 

Your response:  “Yes I am still living in my home.  It is very comfortable for me and my family and we are happy there.  We have wonderful neighbors and we feel a sense of community where we live and that is important to us.”

When we choose to react we only had more fuel to the fire and the person who will be harmed the most is ourselves.  In the work environment this type of conflict leads to a lack in productivity which will hurt in your job performance and in the performance of the business. 

Remember, while we cannot control the actions of others, we can control our own.  Choose to respond instead of react and let go of the unproductive and negative behavior patterns of others.  You will keep your emotions in balance, reduce your stress level and be able to focus on matters that are of importance to you.

10 tips to kick holiday stress in the jingle balls http://ping.fm/COAIp

Happy Thanksgiving from ACRWorks!

ACRWorks Quote of the Day ~ "If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?" ~Stephen Levine

ACRWorks Quote of the Day -
"Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts." ~Author Unknown

ACRWorks Quote of the day: "Creativity comes from a conflict of ideas." ~ Donatella Versace

If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.
Jim Rohn

Reality of Relatives

Surviving the holidays with your loved ones ... and maybe not so loved ones.

When you think of your family gatherings during the holidays, does your family resemble the Griswold’s? How about a Madea family reunion? Maybe your family is similar to the Huxtables or even the Cleavers. Whatever the family dynamic, we all have relatives - some, even though related by blood or marriage, we just may not want to take ownership of. However, during the holidays we find ourselves spending a good portion of the season with our best and most dysfunctional bunch. For many of us this can create a myriad of feelings ranging from mild stress to all out panic. Our relatives are REAL and the holidays are challenging enough as we juggle our work, activities, shopping and day to day family commitments. Throwing in the family social gatherings just may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back – you being the camel that is. So as the holidays quickly approach, how can we overcome the inevitable dinners and social gatherings that we will be invited to attend?

First of all, relatives are related by blood or through marriage only. This does not mean that we automatically love them or even like them. It may be hard enough just tolerating each other. Sometimes we feel a certain obligation to get along or like that person because after all they are “family”. Maybe in a perfect world, but we are not in a perfect world. Each of us are unique individuals with different interests, thoughts, religious views, and view of life in general. Just because Uncle Joe is your Mom’s brother doesn’t give him an automatic ticket to your love and affection. Understand that it is “OK” not to get along or even like another member of your family. Do you like everyone you meet at work, or that you meet in public? I am sure that is a definite “No”. So why then do we feel we must like or even get along with someone just because they are “family”? We don’t have to. Again, that is our choice. But because Uncle Joe is Mom’s brother and we know how much it means to her for him to attend the family gatherings we may feel a sense of obligation to be present for the holiday festivities. So remind yourself that just because certain individuals are considered family, there is more to the meaning of family than the relation by marriage or blood.

Second, take ownership of your feelings. Believe it or not, we have control over our emotions. How we respond to a situation is our choice and we can choose to allow it to anger us, sadden us, make us feel anxious or we can choose to have a positive attitude, carry ourselves with confidence and allow the joy of the season to fill our days. One way to do this is to get in touch and master our feelings. We have to understand how certain people or situations make us feel and prepare and train ourselves not to react, but rather respond with a conscious, chosen behavior. Take time prior to the occasion to prepare how you will interact with that individual or individuals. This will help you make the event enjoyable, even under the worse of circumstances.

Being conscious of our feelings and making a choice as to how we will respond takes some preparation and practice. Take some time prior to the event to sit quietly, with your eyes closed and envision how you see this event unfolding. Let the feelings flow through your body, both pleasant and unpleasant. How do you feel as you act out the event in your mind? When you begin to feel unpleasant feelings, stop and remember you have control and visualize how you might change the direction of the situation. Visualize yourself responding instead of reacting to the situation. When we respond vs. react, we are handling our emotions and communicating in a confident and controlled manner. This takes the power away from the
family offender and you maintain the control. As you visualize this new situation, what new emotions are you feeling? Take a few moments to allow your mind and body to take in the information. Depending on the situation, you may want to practice this several times before the upcoming event.

Third, plan some family fun games. We are never too old to play games. As a matter of fact, it may surprise you who has the most fun. One year my family played the “Who Am I” game. I am sure there is another name for it, but that is what we called it. One or two people take small pieces of paper and write a famous person or even a cartoon character’s name on it and stick it to each other’s foreheads of where they cannot see it. Everyone will have a piece of paper on their forehead, which is funny in itself because we all look a little silly. Everyone takes turns asking questions about the person stuck on their forehead until they figure out who they are. We have played this game several times and have found that even the most rigid of folk have a really great time. Funny too, because even those individuals we may not get along with turn into someone else as we are guessing their character and for a brief period of time may actually be enjoyable! There is a plethora of holiday games found on the internet. Do a search prior to your gathering and find some family fun!

Finally, set clear expectations. When you have been invited to a family get together, or any get together for that matter, set clear expectations with the host. Agree to attend, but state you can only stay for an hour or two because you have other commitments. They don’t have to know your plans, but by setting clear expectations, they will know ahead of time that you can only commit a certain amount of time to their event. This will satisfy the host that you are attending, as well as provide a way to leave early without making an excuse.

The holidays can be enjoyable with a little planning and a little practice in communication skill building (responses and setting clear expectations). Here’s to the happier holidays!

ACRWorks Quote of the Day -

"Some of the biggest mistakes in leadership are when you are using a hammer when sand paper is required"

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ACRWorks quote of the day. "You can't shake hands with a clenched fist" - Indira Gandi

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ACRWorks quote of the day. "I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." Louisa May Alcott

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Stress is often the result of suppressing the desire to choke the living daylights out of someone who desperately deserves it.

"Any fool can know. The point is to understand." - Albert Einstein

"People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them" - Epictetus

"There are never in the world two opinions alike, no more than two hairs or two grains; the most universal quality is diversity" - Michel de Montaigue

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is what it takes to sit down and listen" - Winston Churchill