Responding vs. Reacting

Moving toward productive communications

Is there someone that just knows how to push your buttons?  Maybe a boss or colleague at work that tries to micromanage the office, or an opinionated relative, whose opinions are always directed at how you are living your life.  These people make us anxious and tense and just their presence can put us on guard, distract us and create an unproductive environment. 

Reacting to an unpleasant conversation or situation is what most people do when they feel they are threatened in some way.  However, when we react, it only brews more hostility and discomfort.  It also gives way too much control to the aggressive or domineering party.  However, this form of communication can be changed from reacting to responding with a little practice.

Responding puts you in control of the situation because you are not allowing the individual to manage your emotions by their careless words or actions.  When we respond, we are carefully choosing our words in a manner that gets our point across, without cross words and strong emotions.   When you are in a confrontational position and you feel your temperature rising, take a moment and pause before you respond. Pay attention to how your body is feeling and what thoughts are going through your mind and quickly cool yourself down. 

Here are a couple examples.

Your step brother comes in for a visit.  All he ever talks about is how much money he has, what is business is doing and his brand new 6000 square foot home he is building.  You can never get a word in, because he always changes the conversation back to what he is doing.  During his visit he says, “So John, are you still living in that little place on Short Street? I could never live in a home so small.. how do you do it? I was feeling claustrophobic in our last house and it was 4000 square feet – your place is what, 1500 square feet?” 

Your reaction: “Well, I guess if I was more deceptive in my business practices I could be pulling in more money as well.  However, I believe in running my business and treating my clients with integrity and respect.” 

Your response:  “Yes I am still living in my home.  It is very comfortable for me and my family and we are happy there.  We have wonderful neighbors and we feel a sense of community where we live and that is important to us.”

When we choose to react we only had more fuel to the fire and the person who will be harmed the most is ourselves.  In the work environment this type of conflict leads to a lack in productivity which will hurt in your job performance and in the performance of the business. 

Remember, while we cannot control the actions of others, we can control our own.  Choose to respond instead of react and let go of the unproductive and negative behavior patterns of others.  You will keep your emotions in balance, reduce your stress level and be able to focus on matters that are of importance to you.