Are You an Avoider?

Do you tend to avoid conflicts?  Face it conflict is a part of everyday life.  It is in our homes, workplace, churches, communities.. everywhere we turn, we are faced with conflict in one way or another.  A conflict can arise from something as simple as a disagreement between two spouses on what to cook for dinner and if it is not handled in the correct manner can escalate out of control. 

Do not avoid conflict, hoping it will go away. Believe me. It won’t. Even if the conflict appears to have been  put to rest, it will eventually rear its ugly head whenever stress increases or a new disagreement occurs. For example, have you ever had an argument about one issue, only to bring up another past issue in the heat of an argument? An unresolved conflict or interpersonal disagreement festers just under the surface. It revisits you whenever the opportunity arises, and always at the worst possible moment.

Sometimes, we do have to walk away when a conflict gets heated before things are said that we will regret later, and I definitely encourage you to be conscious when things get out of control. Know when to walk away.  This is a good time to cool down and take some time to think.  This is not avoidance, this is what I call an effort to keep the relationship intact.  If we care about the relationship of the person we are in conflict with, we will take the necessary time and steps to work out our disagreement calmly and rationally.   Returning and addressing the issue with the individual is also very empowering as you are taking control of the situation in an attempt to reach an amicable solution. 

Avoidance style of conflict management is considered "passive" and in matters where the conflict is minor may be appropriate.  But one must beware that problems not addressed overtime can ultimately damage relationships, and overuse of this style of conflict management can result in others taking advantage of us and our own goals not being met.